Gotcha
by DaisyJane
Summary: A wedding invitation, an anniversary dinner, crazy advice and whole lot of panicking make for an interesting day in the lives of Bruce Wayne and Princess Diana of Themyscira. Co-Written with The-Lady-Isis
1. Chapter 1

A/N—This story has been co-written by myself and The-Lady-Isis. We switched back and forth in the writing with myself taking the girl conversations and Isis taking the boys. It is a bit of an homage (or blatant rip-off whichever you prefer) to one of our favorite shows, Coupling. Please forgive the mild OOCness of the characters for humor's sake. Oh and thanks to Grendle 1853 for giving us the plot bunny on the Batman Wonder Woman Forum. Please read and review

Disclaimer—All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p><strong>Gotcha<strong>

It made such an innocuous sound. Just a little slapping noise has the paper hit the surface of the table. Not threatening at all. Yet Bruce picked it up with trembling fingers. Thick envelope, embossed with a crest on the back, a sheet of card inside, curling, silver calligraphy …

Dear God.

"In the field of human relationships," he said abruptly as he, Flash and Aquaman queued up in line at the commissary early that evening, "what is the most frightening thing that can come through your door?"

Arthur thought about it for a second. "The Kracken."

Batman blinked. "I'm sorry?"

* * *

><p>Selina glared at the thick envelope in her hand as she entered the office building. Isis, who was resting in her purse, gave a little mew and Selina absentmindedly stroked her between the ears. At the same time upstairs in the offices of the Wonder Woman Foundation, Etta Candy sat with her head resting on the desk. She had stopped banging it moments before, as she didn't want to have to explain why she had a bruise on her forehead.<p>

She raised her head as someone knocked on her office door. "Come in," Etta yelled as she started to search through her desk for the bottle of sake that was sent by the Japanese Embassy last Christmas. She paused in her search as Selina sat in the chair in front of her desk. "What is the single most depressing thing you can ever get in the mail?" Etta asked as she resumed her search.

"Looks like you got one too," Selina stated as she held up a thick envelope.

* * *

><p>"It was years ago," Arthur explained casually, "Kracken, right through the palace doors."<p>

Batman shook his head. World's Greatest Detective, but even he couldn't connect a giant squid to what he'd been talking about. "Sorry, what's a kracken got to do with relationships exactly?"

"Mera, she was riding it, right into the palace in Atlantis! Could've killed someone!"

Flash raised both eyebrows, his mouth slightly open. " Was she okay?"

"She was furious! I was on land at the time," he added with a slight smirk.

Bruce rolled his eyes and pressed the corresponding button on the machine for his coffee. "So, just guessing there was an element of tension at that point in your relationship?"

Aquaman shrugged and said, "Well, she was jealous because an ambassador from the Lake Victoria kept flirting with me."

"An ambassador?" Bruce asked. It didn't seem very professional. He certainly couldn't imagine Diana – or any of her colleagues – acting that way.

"So it was _her _fault then?" Wally asked. "It was nothing to do with you?"

"Exactly, yeah. In fairness to the ambassador though, if it hadn't have been for her, I wouldn't have been on land …"

With another cocky smirk, the King of Atlantis left the line, swaggering slightly. Wally shuddered a bit, then turned back to Batman. "So what came through your door then?"

* * *

><p>"Koreans!"<p>

At Diana's shout, Bruce looked up from the rest of the mail. He couldn't think of a single reason Diana would be shouting out random nationalities. "What?"

"I've got a meeting with a diplomatic party from Seoul in my office today," she said quickly, looking frazzled as she threw her cell phone on the table. She started to hurriedly sort through the papers in her briefcase. "It was really important and I completely forgot! Damn, damn, damn!" Then her cell phone rang eliciting a, "Cursed Hades," before she picked it up again.

* * *

><p>Once all three men had their beverages, they sat down together at one table. Actually, Bruce sat down without issuing any invitation for the others to follow suit. But they did anyway.<p>

He sighed, thoughts returning to Diana and what had arrived that morning. "You know what's it's like one year into a relationship, yeah?"

That drew blank looks from both of them.

"Nope."

"Nah."

Though Arthur had recently married, it had been fairly whirlwind. Or whirlpool, anyway; he and Mera had only met a few months ago and she decided immediately that they should marry. After denying him sex for two weeks he had agreed. And as for Flash…Bruce wasn't sure he'd actually ever had a real girlfriend. He wasn't sure if he had ever gone on a real date.

He gritted his teeth in frustration and continued. "Try and _imagine_ then. Right, one year into a relationship, what would be the _most _frightening thing that could land on your doorstep?"

"You mean, what could be the most frightening thing that your butler could bring to you?" Flash asked.

Batman glared.

* * *

><p>Both women sat for a moment and staring at the invitation and sipping their sake.<p>

"Dinah and Ollie," Etta said.

"Good old Dinah and Ollie," Selina repeated.

"I'm happy for them," Etta stated.

"So am I," Selina added.

"So very happy for them," Etta repeated and took another drink. "Happy, happy, happy."

"Mmhmm," Selina agreed.

"She is such a nice girl. She was always helpful to me when I worked for the Department of Metahuman Affairs," Etta said.

"Yeah, she even invited me to join the Birds of Prey after I reformed," Selina said but at Etta's sardonic look smirked and amended, "Mostly reformed."

Both women sighed and took a long pull of their drinks.

"She is younger than us, isn't she?" Selina asked rhetorically.

"It wasn't, technically speaking, her turn was it?" Etta added.

"No, but she bagged one anyway and a billionaire to boot," Selina said. "God bless her."

"I'd settle for a guy with a job," Etta sighed.

"Who is also great in bed," Selina added as she licked her lips and took another sip of her drink.

"Really that isn't too much for two attractive and successful women to ask for," Etta growled.

"Seriously what are we supposed to do. Screw every flyboy or superhero we can in the hopes one is dumb enough knock us up and marry us," Selina ranted.

"No of course not," Etta said.

"Well I don't hear you coming up with a better idea," Selina stated. At Etta's shocked expression, she started to laugh which made Etta laugh too.

* * *

><p>"So there it is. A time bomb. A… A putting-thoughts-into-your-long term-girlfriend's-head…<em>bomb<em>," he finished, not meaning to emphasize the last part but doing it anyway. "Just ticking away, right there in my hand! And it's not even like that's an irregular occurrence for me!"

Flash looked confused. "Yeah but you _want _to marry Diana, don't you?"

"Yeah, I mean…we'd pretty much written you off," Arthur put in.

"Totally," Wally nodded.

Batman looked between them, feeling a little trapped. "Of course I want to, yes. I don't want _not _to marry her… I don't want anyone else to marry her, but… It's like _death_." As soon as he'd said it, he wanted to take the similie back as it was the stupidest thing in the world he could have said.

Aquaman choked on his drink. "Death?"

"Yeah, you accept that it's coming, but you get uncomfortable when people start talking _dates_," Bruce said, hastening to explain himself.

"Okay, important thing," Wally interrupted. "When you told Diana about the invitation, could she tell what you were thinking? Did you give anything away?"

Bruce thought back. "Um…"

Arthur put his head in his hands. "How bad?"

* * *

><p>Bruce took a large gulp of his coffee as he looked at the invitation Alfred had placed next to his breakfast plate. He looked at his friend and mentor and could have sworn he saw a smirk cross his face before he turned away. He glanced at Diana, his girlfriend of almost a year, as she argued in French with someone on her cell phone.<p>

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Dinah Laurel Lance and Oliver Queen... _For some reason he was feeling unsettled by the thought of them getting married. Or more simply the thought of marriage. He again glanced at Diana, who gave him a distracted smile, before resuming her conversation. He knew he loved her with all his heart but did he want to get married? Would seeing the invitation put ideas in Diana's head about them getting married?

He was torn between hiding the invitation and showing it to her. He gulped some more of his coffee and decide to lay it next to her plate. He would be casual about it, he decided. No doubt she would be hearing about it as soon as she went to the Watchtower and she would then question why he'd kept it from her. That was a question he wanted to avoid.

She hung up her phone with an angry sigh. "Great Hera, the head of the French delegation to the UN World Peace Conference is a pompous ass."

"Oh, really?" Bruce responded grateful to talk about anything but the wedding invitation next to her plate.

Diana took a sip of her coffee before responding. "He had the nerve to try and cut out Themyscira from participating! He claimed Themyscira was too small and too new to the UN to have any say. Too new, hah! Themyscira was a civilized nation when his ancestors were still animal skin-wearing barbarians."

"Yes, he does sound like an ass. Did you get him to change his mind?" Bruce said, his tension easing. He figured Diana was too angry to care much about the invitation.

"No, but I will just go over his head. I have plenty of friends who like having Wonder Woman as an ally," she said with another sigh as she took a bite of her omelet. She glanced to the side of her plate and saw the invitation.

Bruce struggled with something to distract her from reading it and settled on, "You go girl." He then instantly cringed internally at how stupid he sounded.

Diana gave him a funny look before saying, "Bruce, please don't try to sound like Tim. It sounds completely idiotic to hear his speech coming from your mouth."

Bruce could feel the heat rising up his neck but before he could say anything she continued, "Oh, Ollie and Dinah are getting married. That's nice. They're a good couple."

"I can't believe Oliver 'Chases anything in a skirt' Queen had the guts to ask her. Guess he made her wait long enough though," Bruce said.

"It hasn't been that long. They started dating after we did," she stated as she bit into her toast.

There were many reasons Bruce was a brooding, silent type of guy; one being that he tended to swallow his foot whenever he spoke without thinking. "Are you sure? I seem to recall them being together long before we started a relationship."

"Oh I'm positive. I remember talking with Dinah about their first date over coffee in the cafeteria. You and I had been dating at least a month by then," Diana stated.

"Well they aren't as busy as we are so they spend more time together. And you were gone a whole month negotiating that peace treaty in the Vegan system. So technically they have been together longer," Bruce said in a panicked rush.

Diana was looking at him like he had two heads. "If you say so, Bruce. Anyway I have a meeting at the UN, then another at the embassy and then I am meeting Etta at the Foundation. I can meet you for dinner at seven. Does that work for you?"

At Bruce's blank expression, Alfred intervened on his behalf. "That is perfect Miss Diana. Master Bruce has made reservations at Nobu for half past seven for your anniversary dinner."

Diana gave Bruce a huge smile. "Bruce, how thoughtful of you to remember that our first date was in Japan. You are just so sweet." She leaned across the table and gave him a passionate kiss. All Bruce knew was that he owed Alfred a huge raise. He had completely forgotten that today was the one-year anniversary of them starting to date.

Diana pulled away with a smile and said, "I have to be off." She grabbed her briefcase and headed toward the entrance to the cave where her invisible jet was parked.

As soon as the entrance clicked shut, Bruce said, "Thank you Alfred, I owe you one."

"You owe me far more than one, sir. But someone had to save you from making a complete ass of yourself. Spend more time together indeed," Alfred replied with a sardonic tone.

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><p>You gotta love Alfred, Bruce would seriously be dead by now without him. If you like please let us know.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N—The next installment. We hope you like it and if you do you review.

Disclaimer—All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"Well? How bad?" Bruce asked after he relayed his story.<p>

There was silence for a split second, then both of their faces split into equally wide, equally fake grins. "Congratulations!" Wally cried.

Aquaman clapped him on the back. "She's an exquisite creature, I'm sure you'll be very happy!"

Batman looked aghast. "It's not inevitable! It's just an anniversary dinner! Some wine, some candlelight and it's over. I was actually looking for advice, as ridiculous as it sounds and _you two _are the only ones around." _I'm going to kill Kent for taking an off world mission this week, _he thought.

Flash thought for a moment. "I could contact you via com-link, pretend there's an emergency going on. Diana knows how protective you are of Gotham, she won't try and help if you tell her you don't need it. Then you can rush out!"

"That's just a _little _too much, West."

"Little too much?" he laughed. "Bats, you know what the death sentence is, don't you? I don't mean the death sentence like in execution, I mean the _scary _one."

Bruce's voice might've been shaking, just a little bit. "Scary one?"

"Five words. Just _five_ little words." He leaned forward and looked very serious now. The other two men did the same. He put up a hand, then one finger for every word. "Where. Is. This. Relationship. Going?"

Immediately, Arthur cringed and crumpled in what looked like real pain. "That's it! That's always the one!"

"Those are the words Diana's going to ask you tonight, Bruce! She'll be nice about it, but once those words are out of that gorgeous mouth-"

"Careful," Bruce growled.

"-you can't put them back. You can't pretend you didn't hear them. By then, the cat of commitment is out of the bag of…of…Diana."

Bruce winced. He'd had enough of cats with commitment issues to last a lifetime. Arthur was nodding in agreement with Wally. "That's when you have to say goodbye. Forever," he added somberly.

"I couldn't do that with Diana."

"Useful phrase: 'I'll see you on the next mission'," Wally stated.

"I don't want to lose her, I just don't want to…confirm her."

"No, no, no, you've been with her for over a year now. Either you have a future, or you get married," Arthur stated from experience.

Panic took over. Bruce swallowed and then turned to Flash. "Right, contact me at 2100 hours."

Suddenly there was the sound of smashing china was Arthur's mug slipped from his nerveless fingers. There was an expression of utmost horror on his suddenly-green features. He was staring at someone across the room.

Flash waved an arm in front of his face. "Aquaman?"

"What is it?" Batman asked.

As they both turned around to have a look at the woman who had transfixed the King of Atlantis, he managed a hoarse, "Kracken."

"Mera's here?" Wally asked, sounding fiendishly gleeful.

Batman frowned. "That's not her."

"No," Arthur said, "it's worse. Far worse." He grabbed Batman and hid behind him. "It's the ambassador!"

* * *

><p>Diana arrived at the offices of the Wonder Woman Foundation in the early evening to find Selina writing thank you notes to the vendors sponsoring a charity ball to raise money for a women's shelter on the east end of Gotham. She had volunteered to help organize the event. Etta was busy inputting names into a master list as she went through the RSVP envelopes. Both women were laughing loudly when she entered the office and she noticed the half empty bottle of sake on Etta's desk. Diana made a mental note to double-check their work later.<p>

"Di, how lovely to see you," Etta said when she looked up from her computer. She lifted her glass and took a big gulp.

Diana raised her eyebrow but before she could comment, Isis decided jump into her arms. She smiled at the beautiful cat and stroked her between the ears. Isis let out a series of mewling sounds, which caused Diana to laugh. "Selina, Isis wants me to tell you that she knows you have been substituting chicken for tuna in her meals."

Selina looked at the cat and sighed. "I'm sorry sweetheart but the vet said that tuna was bad for your digestion."

"There you see Isis, the bad vet made her do it," Diana joked. Isis didn't seem to find it funny as she jumped out of Diana's arms and, with an aristocratic lift of her head, returned her pillow on the sofa.

"What I don't understand is how you can have a cat and still be considered hot. I thought as a rule men thought of women with cats in their thirties as desperate and unattractive," Etta asked.

"Darling, I am the exception that proves the rule," Selina said with a smirk.

"And I think one cat doesn't really matter," Diana added. "But when you start collecting them, well...it shouldn't matter so if you want to get some cats then you should. Besides I really don't understand the obsession women in Man's World have with marriage. You are an intelligent and successful woman who can take care of herself. You don't need a man."

Selina laughed. "Ever the diplomat, Di. Etta, you just have to believe you're hot and men will too. Look at you, you're cute as a button with your short blonde hair and big blue eyes. And you like sports. I would think you wouldn't have any man problems."

"I was in the military and a government agent, they tend to think of me as one of the boys," Etta groused.

"Well then we need to go shopping and get you a dress that shows off your tits. Men will remember you're a girl when they see tits," Selina said matter of factly.

Etta and Diana just stared at her a moment in shock. "Umm..Selina well..." Diana began.

"Oh please don't start spouting more of that women's lib crap. Men are basic. Show them pretty boobies or a set of great legs and they are yours," Selina stated.

"But that will only get you so far. I mean you aren't exactly married either," Etta rebutted.

"Well most of the time I don't mind being single. Can you see me as a house frau doing the cooking and laundry and such? It is just the having no man part that bugs me," Selina sighed and finished off her sake.

Diana laughed and looked at her watch. "Well ladies, as much as I would love to stay, Bruce and I are having a special anniversary dinner and I need to get ready."

"No really? How exciting," Selina said smiling.

"No!" Etta yelled getting both Diana and Selina's attention. "You've been together a year. Do you know what that means?"

"No not really?" Diana said completely lost.

"He is going to propose. I know he is going to propose!" Etta said as she stood up and started to pace.

Diana smiled and shook her head. "I highly doubt it. He knows it isn't important to me."

"You're my best friend. You're my main excuse person. You know, when I think about not being married, I think 'Well, Diana is perfect and she's not married so it isn't a big deal that I'm not married'. It is how I get to sleep at night."

"I'm sure there's no..." Diana began but Etta continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"Now you are going to get married and I am going to be left on the shelf like a loaf of day old pumpernickel rye that no one wants," Etta said on the verge of hysterics as she plopped back down into her chair.

"Don't be ridiculous Etta. You're a beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to have you," Diana soothed and Selina nodded.

"That is not true. I haven't been on a date in ages unless you count drinking beers with Steve while watching the Knicks and Mickey's," Etta confessed.

"I would if you screwed him afterwards," Selina said.

"Selina!" both ladies yelled at the same time.

"I'm just saying you might try barking up that tree," she said with a mischievous smile that made Etta blush.

"Anyway," Diana intervened as she grasped both of Etta's hands. "I seriously doubt Bruce is the kind of man to just suddenly propose."

"Absolutely, there is just no chance of that," Selina put in as she rubbed Etta's shoulder.

"It is very unlikely," Diana assured her.

"Completely impossible," Selina added.

"I really don't think it is going to happen tonight if ever," Diana said as she squeezed Etta's hands.

"I'm a hundred percent certain it won't," Selina continued as she patted Etta's back.

"And how in Hades name can you be so certain. Bruce and I love each other," Diana suddenly growled.

"Diana, sorry I didn't mean..." Selina began.

"And just what did you mean?" Diana snarled as she rose to her full height.

"Excuse me but are we now reassuring Diana..." Etta cut in.

"You had your turn," Diana stated tersely and in a deadly voice said, "Selina, what did you mean?"

Selina swallowed. She wasn't easily intimidated but Diana was after all a demi-goddess. "I'm sorry, Diana, I didn't mean anything. It's just that Bruce and I dated on and off for five years. When you get to know him like I do... "

"Excuse me? When I _what_?" Diana yelled.

"You know what he is like," Selina said soothingly.

"Of course I do!" Diana snapped. "What's he like?" she said softly after a pause.

"Well you know. Bruce is a commitment-phobe," Selina stated.

"Bruce can make a commitment, I know he can..." Diana started and paused. "Can't he?"

"Well, if you're Gotham City he can but with women, not so much," Selina said but at Diana's sad expression continued. "But he is different with you. He never really took our relationship seriously. I was just like a sex object to him. It was almost embarrassing. If I wore the wrong dress he would have to keep his legs crossed all evening. I'm sure he is never like that with you."

"Are you really?" Diana said in a quietly angry tone.

But Selina continued oblivious to Diana's irritation. "It's just that we went out for so long that I got really good at getting him worked up. You will too. In time."

"You must give me some tips sometime," Diana said sarcastically.

"Well first off show cleavage with a bit of jiggle. Keep an open mind about black leather and whips. And don't be afraid to talk about other hot women like, 'Ooh that Lady Blackhawk is a tasty blond morsel,' men really love that lesbian stuff," Selina blithely suggested.

"Lesbian stuff..." Diana began.

"Oh yeah, that should be easy for you coming from an isle of hot women. I'm sure men believe you have naked, orgy slumber parties every night," Selina stated.

"Themyscira is not like that at all!" Diana yelled.

"Of course it isn't, sweetie, but men still want to believe it is," Selina said with a knowing wink. "Really it doesn't take much to get Bruce panting, it's like...snake charming."

"You know I am not in the habit of trying to charm snakes. I just try to be polite to you," Diana said coldly before grabbing her purse and storming out of the office.

Selina looked at the broken door that Diana had just slammed and over to a stunned Etta and asked, "Was it something I said?"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N—The third and final installment. We hope you like it and if you do you review.

Disclaimer—All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bruce sat nervously at a lovely table at Nobu. He fiddled with his communicator, making sure it was working correctly, before inserting it into his ear. He pulled out his cell phone as he signaled the waiter, making sure that is was on and Wally could call if something went wrong with the communicators.<p>

"May I help you sir?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, I would like to order some champagne," Bruce replied.

"Very good, sir, but I am going to have to ask you to turn off your phone. Nobu policy," the waiter requested.

Panic shot through Bruce. "But I am expecting a very important call… Someone close to me is very ill and I'm waiting for news," he said, saying the first thing he could think of to keep his phone on.

"Well I can leave your phone at the front desk and get you if someone calls," he said.

Bruce nearly sighed with relief. "That would be excellent. I am hoping the evening doesn't have a tragic ending." He handed him the phone.

"No problem sir. And what was your order again?"

"A bottle of champagne..." Bruce said and felt a small internal cringe as the waiter raised an eyebrow before he walked away.

* * *

><p>Arthur and Flash still hadn't left the commissary. Batman, having more important things on his mind, had left some time ago. At which point Aquaman had dragged Flash into a corner out of sight of the ambassador. At least, that was the idea. She was still searching for them.<p>

"Still looking our way?" Arthur whispered.

"Yep. And she's still got the exit covered."

"Still?"

Flash considered, looking the woman up and down. He didn't get the appeal, himself. "Well, there's quite a lot of her," he couldn't help chuckling.

"It was ages ago, okay?"

"What, a whole six months," Wally said with a laugh.

"Shut up," Arthur glared at him.

"We could make a run for it," Flash suggested.

"Easy for you to say."

"Maybe she won't remember you."

Finally a smug smirk crossed Aquaman's face. "Oh, she'll remember. They _always _remember."

Wally sighed miserably. "Must be nice. I went to the movies with a chick once…she forgot me while we were still in there…"

"Really?"

"Yeah. She went to the bathroom, came back and sat with some other guy!"

Arthur creased with laughter momentarily, before trying to console the younger man. "Well maybe she couldn't find you."

"That _is _what she said." He thought for a moment. "No, wait a second, it wasn't the movies."

"No?"

"No. It was a restaurant."

Aquaman went back to laughing. Then Flash said something that wiped the smile off his face. "The ambassador's moving! We have a launch window for takeoff!"

"Go, go, go!"

They both put their coffee cups down and dashed for the door. Flash, unsurprisingly, made it. Arthur didn't. The ambassador had only turned around for a second, and now she was squarely back in the King of Atlantis's path. He immediately hitched a massive, cheesy smile onto his face. This was going to hurt whichever way he handled it, so-

"Oh, excuse me," she said politely, stepping out of his way and moving back to her friends without a second glance at him.

Aquaman remained frozen in his tracks, the smile gone. Flash, standing at the door, rolled his eyes and came back, shoving him toward the exit. "Okay, you're good, let's go!"

"But- But- That's not possible!" He looked back at the oblivious ambassador, shaking his head. "How could she not remember me?"

"What does it matter? Just come on!"

"No, no, I wanna try something here."

"Remember the kracken!" Flash hissed after him, to no effect. Arthur continued inside.

When he got to the ambassador, he straightened his clothes and ran a hand through his hair before coughing very obviously. A feeling Flash had come to identify as foreboding simmered in the pit of the Speedster's stomach. This was not going to go well. Surprisingly, and with more subtlety than Wally would have expected from him, Aquaman didn't actually speak to her. Instead he walked past her, having attracted her attention, and bent over, apparently searching for something. He looked all around the table they had been sitting at, under it, picking up the chairs…

Wally looked on with increasing confusion and concern for Arthur's sanity. Then he straightened, pointing to his hook with a look of 'Oh, there it is!' and another cheesy grin at the ambassador. She smiled back, and then carried on chatting to her friends.

With a look of utter desolation, Arthur began making his way back to Flash. As he passed the ambassador though, she reached out to take his arm. "Excuse me…" she frowned, looking into his face. "I'm sorry, but I know you don't I?"

The sight of the King of Atlantis leaping into the air was not a dignified one. "Yes! Yes you do!" Then he seemed to catch himself. "I mean yes, yes, I'm afraid so."

She clicked her fingers. "Of course…"

Arthur put an appropriately apologetic expression on his face. "Can I just say how sorry I am?"

"Please don't – I should be apologizing," she chuckled, "I should have remembered you straight away." She turned to her friends. "Everybody – this is Wilf."

Flash dissolved into laughter as she continued. "Wilf used to be my kelp gardener. Didn't you, Wilf?"

Any minute now, Wally was sure his sides were going to actually split.

'Crestfallen' wasn't the word to describe Aquaman's face. "Um…"

"What was that, about six to eight months ago?"

"Well, I…"

"So – you still looking after kelp?"

Opportunities like this were just too good to miss. Flash moved forward. "Oh yeah, definitely. He is always gardening away, pruning and everything else. You should see what he has done to the hydroponics bay."

"Hello," the ambassador smiled. "Are you Wilf's new boyfriend?"

It took only a split second to think that one through. Potential embarrassment for him, but something that Arthur would _never _live down. Too perfect to miss. "Yes!" He put his arm through Aguaman's. "Yes, I am. We meet in the hydroponics bay when I went looking for some stuff to make a salad. I found quite a bit more than salad, if you know what I mean," he said with a wink.

The look Arthur gave him was completely horrified, but the ambassador smiled. "Well, please, won't you join us?"

"Sweet – we'd love to. Wouldn't we, sweetie?" Flash grinned, steering the too-mortified-to-resist Aquaman to the table and sitting him down. The speedster remained standing, only putting an arm around Arthur's shoulders.

"I'll get you a chair," the ambassador said kindly.

"Oh, thanks, but I think I'd rather stand. Blame Wilf for that one!"

* * *

><p>Diana walked into the restaurant full of confidence. She had gone to see her sister Donna, who knew all there was to know about fashion, and she had loaned her the low cut, sleeveless and slinky red wrap dress that she was wearing. She had also styled Diana's hair so that it feel in sexy waves around her face and down her back. She looked like a bombshell and people turned to stare and she walked across the restaurant toward Bruce. He just stared and swallowed as she approached.<p>

"Sorry I'm late," she said in a husky voice.

"That's okay," he choked out as his eyes travelled down her body.

"No, I really should have called," she said.

"They took my phone away. It's at the front desk," he whispered.

"Oh really," she responded in kind.

"I guess they don't want the other diners disturbed when they are eating their breasts...I mean meals," Bruce hastily corrected as heat rose up his neck. "Did I say breasts...Sorry, sorry." He started to rise out of his chair but Diana stopped him.

"It's okay, I'm sure you need to remain seated with your legs crossed for a little while," she said with a sultry smile.

"No, I'm fine," he said as he continued to stand so that he could pull out her chair. Diana pouted as she sat down. _I am an Amazon, what in Hades am I doing? _she wondered.

* * *

><p>"Diana can be quite irritating can't she," Selina said as she drank another glass of sake. Both women were fairly drunk by now, though Etta more than Selina.<p>

"Yes she can be, especially when she says crap like I don't need a man and she is living with the richest man in the world," Etta stated as she took another drink. "But then again Bruce is rather irritating too."

"Tell me about it. Maybe that is why they should be together, they are both perfectly irritating," Selina said with a giggle and Etta laughed as well.

When they calmed down Etta asked, "Do you think they will get it together, you know permanently?"

"You got me…You know what I used to do when Bruce and I finally called it quits…I used to phone him up and not say anything. Just leave a long silence until he became totally pissed off. I bought a case of untraceable prepaid cell phones."

"Why did you do that?" Etta questioned.

"To ruin his evening. He's an ex," Selina exclaimed with an eye roll.

Etta gave Selina a penetrating stare, "You don't still want to be with Bruce, do you?"

"Lord no," Selina laughed. "Way too much crazy baggage there. I don't envy Diana dealing with Bruce's issues. If they can be happy together then I am happy for them."

"Yeah I am happy for them too. It can't be easy given their lives," Etta stated.

"It's never easy especially with someone like Bruce," Selina said.

"Diana's immortal, you know," Etta said. "She will be forever young and men will probably always desire her."

"Not really fair is it. I wonder if Bruce has his cell phone on?" Selina said with a sly look.

"And I am going to grown old and so no man will want me. She will always have the edge won't she," Etta sobbed.

"What am I talking about? Bruce always has his cell phone and two communicators on him," Selina said not paying attention to Etta at all as she pulled a cell phone from her purse.

Etta looked at her and said, "You would ruin their evening would you. Not if you think that they belong together."

Selina just gave her enigmatic, green-eyed stare.

* * *

><p>It was 2100 – the time Flash had agreed to call Bruce. Thankfully (for Arthur), the ambassador and her friends were about to leave, so now both he and Flash were once more queuing for coffee. The commissary did not stock anything stronger.<p>

As Wally reached for his com-link, Aquaman spoke in an indignant tone. "Wilf! Wilf, for Poseidon's sake!"

"Don't worry about it," Flash said easily. "She's probably got memory loss or something."

That cheered Arthur up slightly. "Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right."

Flash looked at the time. "So – think I should call him?"

"Batman? You did say you would."

"True…" He wasn't sure he wanted to though. "Diana's nice. He could do worse."

"I guess…"

"Well, he couldn't do better, could he?"

"Most definitely not."

"He doesn't wanna end up like you," Wally continued.

"What?"

"Forgotten."

"You said she had a memory problem!" Aquaman objected.

Flash snorted. "Yeah right."

There was a tap on his shoulder, and they both turned to see the ambassador, smiling. "We're leaving now. Just thought I'd say bye."

"Yeah, whatever," Arthur muttered.

"Lovely to meet you, Flash," she said, before turning to Aquaman. "And very lovely to see you again, _Arthur_."

She turned away and left. It was a good five seconds before either of them got it. Then the King of Atlantis raced after her. "Wait a second!" He physically put himself in her path. "You called me Arthur."

Her face was stony now, a far cry from the warm, friendly smiles of a few moments ago. "Arthur, you didn't really think I'd forgotten you, did you? I just felt entitled to a little revenge. I did nearly get eaten by that kracken."

"Oh!"

"_Mera_ _and _I, Arthur, we both got screwed over! We both got hurt, you know."

Arthur did have the good grace to look ashamed of himself. "I really am very, very sorry."

"Well," she shrugged. "I had _my _fun tonight – guess we'll call it even."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Goodbye, Arthur," she said as she started to move away but turning back and adding, "By the way, your majesty."

"Yes," Arthur responded.

"I know you're the King of the Sea and all but…" Her eyes gleamed evilly. "No woman likes a dead fish in bed." And with that final statement she gave him one last vicious look, and left.

* * *

><p>"Thank you," Diana smiled as she took a menu from the waitress. Bruce did the same. "This is a really nice place," she remarked. "Good choice."<p>

Bruce smiled, even though Alfred had booked the restaurant _weeks _ago. "It's not bad."

"It's lovely."

She leaned forward for a moment, thinking about what Selina had said about lesbian remarks. It was a step too far for Diana though – she wouldn't lower herself into that kind of thing. She had far too much respect for her sisters and Amazon ideals to cater to Man's World's twisted notion of their society. She didn't need to anyway! It was completely ridiculous!

Bruce had noticed her expression. "Is something wrong?"

She twisted her mouth. "Selina told me about her dresses."

"Her dresses?"

"Yes, her dresses!"

"What, and that puts you in a bad mood?" he asked, looking completely confused.

"No, she told me that sometimes she'd wear a particular dress and that you'd get all…excited. Legs crossed excited."

He looked involuntarily down at his lap. "I guess sometimes, yeah…so what?"

Diana felt heat flood to her face, even tears of mortification prick her eyes. Suddenly Bruce got it. "Oh my God… Are you insecure, Princess? I- I've _never _seen you insecure before."

"Well you try having a gorgeous, sexy ex-girlfriend _slinking _around everywhere, that'll help!" Diana snapped.

He tried to calm her down. "Princess, you can't take that kind of…excitement seriously. You know what men are like! That could happen any time, anywhere."

Wrong thing to say. Diana suddenly looked very determined. "Okay then. Make it happen now."

He stared at her. "What?"

"Well, you did it for Selina, you can do it for me." She folded her arms, leaning back in her chair. "Off you go then."

"I can't just switch it on!" he protested. "It's not like an emergency lifejacket, I can't just pull a ripcord!"

"Any time, anywhere, you said."

"Well normally I get some help. This isn't exactly sex talk, is it?"

"I could do sex talk!"

"I never said you couldn't!"

There was a pause, then, "Nipples."

"What?"

"Nipples," Diana repeated, "they're…good." Inwardly, she was praying to all the gods to give her an answer as to why exactly she'd started this. Had Aphrodite just put the word in her mouth? She hadn't wanted to say it!

Bruce looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Yeah, thanks. Nipples are…good."

"Did that help?"

He put his menu down. "There's a fine line between sex talk and just...mentioning body parts."

"Oh, so you're saying Selina can do this and I can't!"

"I didn't say that!"

"I can do anything she does! I can do…" _Think of a word, think of a word, _"tricks!"

"I'm sure you can-"

"I can move my breasts!"

He put a hand up, looking alarmed. "Please don't!"

"Well no, I don't mean I can move them round the back or something-"

"Thank you for that image, Diana! That's a really scary place in my head now!"

"Oh for Hera's sake!"

They both very purposefully looked at their menus for several seconds before Bruce went very still. "That…would be your foot."

Diana didn't glance up from her menu, and only smirked. "Yes it would."

"What's it doing?"

"Just checking on progress," she replied casually.

"Can we just forget about all this, can we just have a nice meal? Come on, Diana, move your foot!" When she did, something scarily close to a yelp came out of his mouth. "Not exactly what I had in mind!"

Grinning predatorily now, Diana continued, enjoying the rough breathing and increasingly high-pitched tone of voice coming from her lover.

"That's clever – how do you work a zipper with your foot? That's…impressive…"

"Could Selina do that?"

"Don't think it ever came- _up_!" Bruce yelped but she could see desire starting to cloud his expression.

Without moving or slowing the action of her foot, Diana raised her head and called for a waitress. Bruce's heated looks suddenly changed to mild fear. She trotted over with a smile. "How can I help, ma'am?"

"Could you tell us the specials, please?"

"Of course. We've got duck, with an orange-"

She was cut off by the loud – and completely unbidden noise – which issued from Bruce's throat. When the waitress stared at him, all he could think of to say was, "I _really _like duck."

The waitress gave him a weak smile and turned back to Diana. "And, uh, steak with a-"

"Wow!"

Other people in the restaurant were now staring, and Diana's grin could not have been any wider.

"Steak, steak, steak! Steak's good too!"

"Wait till you get to the desserts," Diana said to the waitress. "He'll really explode then, I promise you."

The waitress almost ran away. "Diana, please!"

"What? Are you not enjoying yourself, darling?"

"At least I'm underneath the table…" he muttered back.

Right at that moment, the waiter, from whom he'd ordered the champagne, approached their table. "Excuse me, your cell phone's ringing."

"_What_?"

"The uh, urgent matter?"

"Oh. Well, never mind, I'm sure it'll be fine."

That got him an extremely dirty look. "Excuse me?"

"He'll keep! For a while…not that that's any great consolation at this moment, of course," he mumbled, trying to rectify the situation.

It wasn't working. Apparently deciding that he was drunk, the waiter moved closer. "Do you need help getting to the front desk, sir?"

"No! I'm kind of in the middle of an urgent, intimate moment, okay, so just leave!"

Diana squeezed his hand, looked all sweetness 'n' light. "No, that's okay, sweetie, if you've got an urgent call you better take it."

He stared at her. How could she be doing this to him! "Right… Yeah, I should. Um, I'll just take the wine list with me. In case I need something to read." He stood up very carefully, holding the wine list in place and moving to the front desk. Diana gave the waiter a bright smile as he passed.

When Bruce got to the front desk, his phone was still ringing. He picked it up without bothering with a greeting. "Flash, I know I told you to call, but that was _really _bad timing!" There was no sound from the other end. "Flash?" Nothing. "Hello?" Still nothing. Then it clicked. "Selina. Selina, if that's you, then once and for all _get over it_! Diana is the woman I'm going to marry!" There was still nothing – except an odd rustling noise coming from…behind him?

He turned – cell phone still pressed against his ear – to see Diana, looking unbelievably smug. "In _every possible _sense of the word:" she said, holding up her own cell phone. "Gotcha!"


End file.
